Okay, I don’t know if they are exactly 18 but who’s counting?
As a rule, I avoid criticising movies, partly because I stop watching the movie if it sucks. On the rare chance that I do watch such movies, I try to forget them instead of writing about them. Very rarely do I come across a disappointing work that I so badly want to succeed. When I do criticise such a movie, my imposter syndrome as a movie critic is sky high. I have no experience in filmmaking. Who am I to criticise?
Movie sequels are not what they used to be in the seventies and eighties, barring few exceptions. I have always enjoyed science fiction and fantasy movies. I loved the first three movies of Star Wars series and also Star Wars : The Phantom Menace (Episode I). I never understood why this movie got such low rating. Same cannot be said of the sequels. I remember very clearly the storyline of first four movies. I have forgotten what happens after that even though I have watched all the movies.
Part of it has to do with way movies are made these days. So it’s not only Star Wars sequels that are disappointing, so are the Star Trek movies and all the reincarnations of Sherlock Holmes. In the original versions, all of these movies had their own signature philosophies and stories. Sherlock Holmes was about finding significance behind trivial matters through his phenomenal powers of deduction. Today’s Holmes has barely time for trivial matters because he is trying to save the world from a nuclear attack. This is a pity because both Robert Downy Jr. and Benedict Cumberbatch are phenomenal actors. The problem is with the writers. There is no one alive today who can rival the ingenuity of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Can you imagine anyone writing an equivalent of The Adventure of the Blue Carbuncle today?
Star Trek theme was about exploring new world. “To boldly go where no man has gone before.” Old Star Trek movies have Captain Kirk quoting Shakespeare or Captain Picard quoting Ahab from Moby Dick. Star Trek movies today show Kirk and Spock with their six pack abs engaging in everything from kick boxing to WWE style wrestling. Who has time for exploring wonders of the new worlds?
The original Star Wars movies had rich mythology woven around the concept of the Force. First three movies showed inner conflicts of the Jedi warriors as they try to master the force. Again, Star Wars movies of today have sacrificed all of that for some breakneck action that is indistinguishable from a Bond movie.
And so we come to The Mandalorian. First, it does not have a solid story. All you have is a Mandalorian with a quest to return The Child to its people. Two seasons in, he is fighting everyone from dragons to empire soldiers but nowhere near to his goal. And nothing else happens in the story. The Child is too young to have any meaningful interactions with. With an older child who is able to communicate, the plot would have become rich with possibilities.
What you sense while watching The Mandalorian are flashbacks, as if you have lost your memory and trying to recover it. These flashbacks are from old movies, that seem to be the inspirations behind The Mandalorian’s plot.
FUN FACT : You could cast the busiest star/actor for the role of Mandalorian. In two seasons he takes off his helmet just once so you would need the real actor for just that shot. Shoot everything else with a double. Easy-peasy.
The Mandalorian is a bounty hunter. Replace him with a young Clint Eastwood with Sergio Leone behind the camera and you get a Spaghetti Western. You may ask, why does every habitat in the universe has a bar that resembles those in old westerns?
Most of the characters in these bars speak North American lingo, complete with idioms such as “We have you 4 to 1” “I like those odds” Or “So we’re basically running off a band of raiders for lunch money?” Lunch money is a quintessential North American concept. Why would an alien, who has never been to an American school, use that phrase? Why would any alien use “right back at ya” or “just kidding”? And then there is the universal “we got company.” Why don’t the writers realise that their audience is spread all over the world and that majority of them will not understand these North American idioms. It hurts more when you remember that the earlier Star Wars writers created amazing dialects for Yoda and Jar Jar Binks that still live on through the memes.
I lost my patience when a character told the robot to cook the dragon meat “medium rare.” Are you kidding me? Why don’t you open Starbucks franchises throughout the universe, have the aliens order Pumpkin Spice Latte and be done with it?
Contrast this with Star Trek : Picard. You have Cristobal “Chris” Rios, played by the Chilean actor Santiago Cabrera who curses in Spanish when the action gets hot. On his starship La Sirena, he has Emergency Hologram installations to handle various situations that are his replicas : Emil speaks with a light English accent, Enoch has a Norther Dublin Irish accent and Ian has a Scottish accent.
The one character that speaks English with a European accent in The Mandalorian – played by none other than Werner Herzog – is from the evil empire. The original Star Wars movies were made just 20 years after the WWII. It did not seem out of place to show the empire military dressed as Nazis. In 2020, post Vietnam, Iraq and Afghanistan, the image does not ring true.
I should clarify that in all other departments – acting, direction, cinematography – The Mandalorian is exceptional. It is the writers who are not up to the mark.
Alas, I know I am in minority. The Mandalorian has received 8.7/10 on IMDB and 91% on Rotten Tomatoes. Looking forward to new seasons where aliens order Dragon McNuggets with French Fries.
